Release Date: March 26, 2014
Cover Date: May 2014
Story: Keith Giffen and J. M. DeMatteis
Art: Scott Kolins
Cover: Tyler Kirkham
During the family council meeting of the House of Tuath-Dan, Ardora has brought forth Larfleeze for the others to punish. Of course, it horribly backfires, and Larfleeze beats their asses, destroys their citadel, and even kidnaps and kills Xum, their leader. The rest sift through the wreckage, and the Wanderer sadly informs Stargrave that since Larfleeze defeated her in combat, she’s honor-bound to marry him. Meanwhile, back on the planet of Sorrow, a Green Lantern has finally responded to the natives’ beacon…but it’s G’Nort.
This damned thing was almost painful to read. Larfleeze beating the council was a foregone conclusion. His flagrant stupidity at trying to extract Xum’s power by drilling into his head was eye-rolling at best. Every time Stargrave opens his mouth now, you just want him dead. And the random marriage subplot? Where the hell did that come from? Stupid, and it’s obvious that it won’t pan out.
This is all very bad, and just when you thought Larfleeze couldn’t get any worse…the powers-that-be throw in G’nort, one of the worst Green Lanterns ever created. Even his crappy gritty reboot in the pages of Guy Gardner: Collateral Damage was laughably terrible, and that’s since been retconned away in the “New 52.” His presence drags down everything, and Larfleeze was awful enough without his scenery chewing.
All of which brings me to a final, very important point. As a testament to the shittiness of this book, the credits page reads that:
“Nine issues in, and Keith Giffen, J. M. DeMatteis & Scott Kolins still haven’t been fired! But keep your hopes up, folks; we’re working on it!”
The creators sound incredibly arrogant, and thus, it was their undoing. Perfect timing, assholes: before this issue even hit the stands, it was announced that Larfleeze has been canceled due to poor sales, and will be ending with issue #12. Good riddance. The final three issues can’t come and go fast enough.
I think the only reason the series is even going twelve issues is because of the writers’ legendary status within comicdom. Giffen and DeMatteis have written some excellent stuff over the decades (though I personally don’t like as much of Giffen’s work as most fanboys), but much of their recent output has just been terrible. If anyone else was writing Larfleeze, it would’ve been dumped by issue #6.