Hey, kids! It’s your ol’ pal Roscoe Dillon here! Or you may know me by my nom de guerre…the Top! Instead of possessing bodies, I’ve taken over this stupid site. Henry Allen and Thomas O’Neill were just worthless sacks of flesh, and I’ve crossed over into the digital realm! The Thinker would be proud. Anyway, who the hell wants to hear about a bunch of losers with jewelry when you could be reading all about me instead? Nobody tops the Top!
I’ll be sure to fill you all in on what I’ve been up to lately. I did suffer a bit of setback thanks to that fool Captain Cold, but did he honestly think that death would slow me down? Please.
Here’s some of the other crap I’ve been reading while nosing around the Web…heeheehee…
- Boosterrific.com: The Web’s Number One Website of Booster Gold, the Corporate Crusader! (What a shill!)
- DC Bloodlines: The Little Blog for the Lesser Known Universe (Who even remembers that?!)
- Diana Prince as the New Wonder Woman: Figuring the Amazing Amazon out one “Bold New Direction” at a time (There’s only two things I need to know about Wonder Woman. Left and right, if you get my drift.)
- Firestorm Fan: The Source for DC Comics’ Nuclear Man (What a flamin’ idiot! Get it?)
- The Idol-Head of Diabolu: A Blog for J’Onn J’Onzz, the Manhunter from Mars (Big, green, and stupid!)
- Justice League Detroit: Vibe! Vixen! Gypsy! Steel! Aquaman! Elongated Man! Batman! Seriously, man! (Seriously, they suck! Ha!)
- Power of the Atom: Sometimes the Sword of a Tiny Titan, other times saluting the Quantum Captain. (I’d squish him like a bug.)
- Speed Force: Following the Flash, the Fastest Man Alive (Pfft. Flash sucks.)
Enemies and allies!
WTF?!?! I came looking for my daily fix of Green Lantern and I find this craziness! Roscoe, you scamp! Quit screwing up my one of my favorite sites!
The Irredeemable Shag
Shut up! Why the hell should I listen to you? Your favorite hero is some dude who can’t even afford a full costume! I’d much rather traipse around in my pajamas then in my underwear. Nobody needs to see that shit. Yuck!
WTF is up with the pajama costume, anyway. You and Weather Wizard both run around in your jammies. Can’t Gambi make a better costume?
Pajamas are comfortable!
Dude – B’wana Beast could kick your ass all the way from the Africa Veldt to Central City! Why don’t you go spin yourself into oblivion. Besides, aren’t you dead.. again?
The Irredeemable Shag
B’wana Beast is so lame, he even has “wannabe” in his name! HAW!
And since when has death ever stopped me?!
You once tried to take over the country by possessing the body of a vice president. That was a great idea. Our previous vice president was much more evil than you. So NYAH!
I did it first! Where do you think he got the idea?
I like how J’Onn J’Onzz is inherently lame enough to need no elaboration.
I must’ve been preoccupied. This pizza’s not going to eat itself!
What kind of self-respecting villain names himself after a child’s toy, anyway? Go bug the Crime Tailor for giving you such an ugly costume and give Indigo Tribe their site back already, Seesaw.
Bite me! At least I’m not a corporate whore! Don’t you know that the Casio Indi-Glo Tribe are slaves? No one shackles me!
Stick it to The Man!
Too green. This website needs more blue. More…Cobalt Blue.
Any foe of the Flash is A-OK in my book!
Dear Roscoe, as the most hardcore Top fan in the universe…will you marry me? :3
PS, my friends can confirm I am actually the most hardcore Top fan in the universe. Oh, and enjoy this picture I drew.
http://gorogues.tumblr.com/post/4088382606/here-is-a-mouse-drawn-picture-of-the-top-fighting
Even the denizens of the sea fall before my might! Bwahaha!
As for marriage…a flattering proposal, to be sure, but I already said that no one shackles me.
Awwww
Such rejection makes my head spin. Well, I’ll always remember the good times…nearly blowing up half the planet, nearly blowing up Central City…
So awesome!
The world internet needs some TOP on top of each page!
Awesome! *spins away*
I have taught you well.
So dude, where’s Lisa Snart? Have you forgotten her?
You know me. Hit it and quit it.
….waitasecond. You’re not Roscoe. I declare thee a fraud, sir.
You…you DARE?!
Oh yes, I went there. My suspicion is that you’re actually Len Snart pretending to be Roscoe to make him look bad. I’m on to you, Leonard.
What?! That asshole fucking KILLED me! Didn’t you see my latest post? Besides, it’s not MY fault his sister was a hot piece of ass. I merely took advantage of the situation.
Ah, but the Roscoe I remember was so devoted to Lisa that he protected her and let her fool around on him. I think you are not who you say you are!
BTW I’m pretty mad about what Cold did too.